I’ve always been a dreamer, but I haven’t always been a doer.
I could envision what I wanted and how I wanted to be or show up, but there was a block. A serious block. A self-imposed block.
I didn’t realize it then but I do now.
CLEO WADE
As a child, I was an engaged student, an achiever. Involved. A people-pleasing perfectionist. I wanted to do well and be liked. On the other side of this, I had ideas, opinions, and dreams. I wanted to lead. I wanted to influence people and processes. However, I suppressed most of this, especially in educational and professional settings. I didn’t trust myself enough or the setting to speak up, speak out, fully showcase myself, my views, and be seen AND heard. I was afraid. Fearful. I lacked courage.
As I got older, much of this fear (armor too) came with me. It manifested as shame i.e. my thinking I wasn’t good enough and hustling for a sense of self-worth. Whenever I thought I could become a doer, my inner critic told me to fall back in line. I continued to mute myself and hold back from fully being ME for fear of what was on the other side. Meanwhile, I was still striving for excellence in ways that were not healthy or conducive to my wellbeing while shying away from leadership.
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